I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
