he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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