I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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