Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
