I want to have your abortion
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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