Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
