i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
