I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
