somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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