I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
