and my herpes radar will keep us safe
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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