sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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