My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize