So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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