I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
