you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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