i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
