This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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