youre lurking in front of me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
