just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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