just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize