dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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