Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
