Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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