so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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