so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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