If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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