I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we made out on top of his cat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
