He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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