I cannot find my penis.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
