I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
