if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
