Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need moral support for this bender
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
