I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
