I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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