I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize