Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
