I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she smelled like a LAN party
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
