You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
