I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
