Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
