drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
