Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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