morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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