Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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