# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
