I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
