I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
