My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
