She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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