The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
