I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
