have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
