If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
