I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
