By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
