i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
