You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
