so explain again why im purple
no
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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