I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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