Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
