this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
