dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
