did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
