i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
