I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize