Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize